Hangover:3 Strikes You're Out
by DownwiththeSupernatural
Summary: Alan is up to bat this go round and the pack agrees to a nice safe Bachelor's weekend Safari in the Outback. What could go wrong? Everything. unexpected obstacles, new foes, the given humor, plenty of whumpage to go around, plus one of the 4 badly hurt.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note:Spoilers from 1st and 2nd film (Will try to keep them minor on 2 for those who haven't seen) Big fan of the movies, all the pack (huge fan of B. Coop and Bartha), and addicted to whump. Soo though this will hopefully contain a lot of humor to keep you riveted, expect it to be a more mature, dark type with a whole lot of angst and drama to bat...I enjoy writing and this first chapter is admittedly lengthy and somewhat boring, but trust me when I say it gets better. Just have to lay down the foundation. Still working at characterization, so bear with me there also please. Alan and Stu are being tweaked but will hopefully be more as they should be soon!, Hopefully you'll enjoy reading and let me know it is worth continuing by R&R!

Title:The Hangover 3-This Reminds Me Of...

Genre:Humor(Dark)/Drama/Angst-all those good things!

Characters:The Wolfpack in its Entirety

Rating:PG13(for now)Rating will go up when it gets more graphic.

Summary:Alan is up to bat this go round, and against the better judgment of all (with the natural acceptance of the party man extraordinaire) the pack agrees to a nice safe Bachelor's weekend Safari in the Outback. What could go wrong? Everything...With unexpected obstacles, new foes, the given humor, plenty of whumpage to go around, plus one of the 4 badly injured, the boys will soon wish this was one Hangover they'd never drank themselves into.

Disclaimer:I own nothing to do with The Hangover Franchise, nor any of its stars. Just seriously enjoy the movies and writing :p Would really love owning Bradley Cooper though, mhmm and Justin Bartha

**Chapter 1**

Sticking a toothpick in his mouth, sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose, Phil was in top form , lowering his voice none as he asked the darker haired man standing closest by" You think she's real, or one of those blowup dolls? Because I gotta tell you Doug, good as I look in a tux, the sex appeal will be at 0 if I'm marching down the aisle with a plastic bridesmaid."

"That's my brother-in-law you're talking about." was the hushed given reply as the darker-haired of the 2 attempted to maintain a semblance of civility.

"Told you a long time ago, no ones holding that against you or Tracy. But.. when he's found by a poor stewardess in the bathroom 10 minutes into the flight unzipped, Spideys dropped, missus out of the old duffel-bag, joining the mile high club? Doing the PA for that one and bailing him out of jail are all you. "looks contemplative momentarily, then adds"Or Stu..."smirks, using his tongue to flip the toothpick hanging from his mouth.

"Standing right here."Stu, who was behind them in line with Alan, thoroughly enjoying that he was spending the weekend away from his wife and 4 month old twins, spoke up. He followed this with clearing his throat as he used an index finger to motion back and forth between himself and the groom to be, adding" Not 2 few feet away."

Next up in line to have his ticket checked by blonde who was manning the gate, Phil smirks at his friend and says matter-of-factually" Just when it seemed you couldn't be any more uptight, fatherhood came along to prove me wrong by zapping your mostly non-existent sense of humor away all together"

"You're a dick." Doug said, giving him a shove and nodding his head to indicate they'd finally reached the front where the stewardess stood, hand held out, gazing at the school teachers back with a look of annoyance.

Turning around, Phil stepped forward, gave her his boarding pass, then waited as she looked it over.

"Sorry sir, this ticket is for yesterday."the woman says flatly, handing it back to him.

"What?"Phil questions with disbelief, lowering his glasses to look at her, a humorless laugh leaving his lips.

"I said this ticket is for yesterday. "she repeats, then adds" You'll need to leave the line now so we can continue boarding"

Phil was ready to explode with anger, the rest of the pack looking at their own tickets in the process.

"Fuck that, I ordered the tickets, for today, a month ago online."the school teacher argued.

"Please move out of the line. Or do I have to call security?"she replies calmly, raising a perfectly arched brow at him.

"No no, that won't be necessary. He's leaving. Now." Doug answers for him with a tight smile, grabbing the other mans arm and pulling him away before he could end up getting himself thrown in jail.

"Yes now.."Stu echoed, grabbing the sputtering mad Phil's other arm to aid in the cause.

"Yesterday? What the hell?"the dentist asks in his overly dramatic manner when they are out of hearing range, standing with the other two who were turned facing the person who had volunteered to get the tickets.

"I know I specifically asked for today! This is bullshit! Utter fucking bullshit!" Phil stated loudly in his own defense, turning to glare at the woman manning the line again.

"No Phil, you didn't."Doug responds this time, waving his own ticket in his friends face."the date, on these tickets that you've had going on..what is it 2 weeks now, is yesterdays."

"Fuck fuck fuck!"Phil kicks at his own suitcase, rubbing his face with both hands in frustrated anger."How could I have..."he stops with a sigh when he sees Alan's crestfallen look of disappointment."Maybe I can talk to the desk, get them traded for this flight.."he offers, taking all the tickets in his hand and swiveling around to go ask while the others waited.

"I was going to run with the wild. Ride in a mother kangaroo's pouch.."Alan says aloud, gaining him strange looks from not only Doug and Stu, but also a man and woman who had been standing nearby but now moved away.

It was obvious by the wild gesturing that Phil was doing with his hands that they wouldn't be getting on the flight as planned, and even though his brother-in-law annoyed and embarrassed him sometimes, Doug felt pretty bad about his last weekend as a bachelor being ruined. By the look on his face, Stu did as well.

"We'll find something just as fun to do Alan, Something that Phil will not be in charge of planning, just like he won't be anything else in the future"Doug says, patting his meaty shoulder.

"Boys, grab your gear, we are back in business"Phil announced, rejoining the other 3 men, a look of self-satisfaction on his face. "They traded them?"Doug asks in surprise. He'd quit watching his friends angry anctics when it appeared obvious that they were shit out of luck.

"Even better! We are going to be traveling in style, via our own personal plane."he gets in response.

"You don't know how to fly a plane Phil and even if you did I.."Doug began with a scoff, only to be cut off by an adamant" No way in hell. No sir." from Stu at the announcement.

"I know how to fly a plane."Alan said with a raise of his hand, but was cut off too by Doug who objected with"Flying a fighter jet in a video game does not make you a licensed pilot."

"Guys...This gentleman, Mr. Rochester, has kindly offered us a lift in his jet. A jet flown by real pilots"Phil said, rubbing his hands together as the others noticed the short, balding man who had walked over with him for the first time.

"Say what?"Doug asked with a blink as he studied the new arrival dubiously. Phil went on to explain how the man had heard him, and having had to cancel a scheduled outing of his own to Australia, sympathized with their plight and gave them use of the plane in his stead.

Stu and Doug both objected after pulling Phil and Alan aside following introductions, but after a while longer of listening to Phil's usual arguments that always led to disaster, and Alan's stating that he thought the guy looked like Higgins from Magnum and who wouldn't trust him? They caved. It was after-all Alan's trip and it wouldn't be fair to cheat him of it.

Lord knew he wouldn't ever be marrying again in this lifetime, was the unspoken thought that all his friends had.

15 minutes later a still wary of the whole thing and thinking how unbelievably convenient it had been that Mr. Rochester had to cancel a private trip to exactly where they were headed, Doug settled into his seat, looking around at the very impressive lavishly decorated and pimped out private jet that the 4 of them had all to themselves.

"This is awesome guys? Admit it. Totally fucking awesome."Phil declared from his own selected seat which he was slumped back in lazily.

"Okay..yes, its awesome. I have to say you really managed to turn a full on potential ruination into..well this."Doug agreed reluctantly with a shrug, not able to hide the big grin on his face any longer now that the planes owner had left, followed by them taking safely off from the airport.

"Stu?"Phil prodded, turning his head to look at said man as he walked out of the large bathroom back to his own seat."Your thoughts?"

"For once your screwing up has resulted in a positive turn."he received in reply.

"In the spirit of the mood I will ignore that insult this time Dr. Faggot."Phil shot back, looking last, but not least, to the groom to be, who was bouncing up and down in his seat looking like a fat, retarded version of Zac Brown with the beanie he wore coupled with his facial hair.

"Alan, you're happy. Right buddy?"he questioned.

"That doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I believe it can best be put in these words I jotted down earlier while waiting to board the plane."Alan replies, clearing his throat and pulling a wadded up church flier he'd picked up in the terminal to write on from his fanny pack, smoothing it out .

"Here you go gentlemen, a drink courtesy of Mr. Rochester who said that the bar was open to you all for the remainder of your trip."the one stewardess on the plane interrupted him before he could begin, much to the other 3 mens unspoken relief, handing them each a glass filled with amber liquid.

They all took the slightest pause before toasting one another, remembering what had happened the last two times they'd started off a celebration this very way, but since this was not Alan's jet, and he'd been patted down thoroughly by his sister and parents to make sure he carried no surprises before being allowed to leave and take Doug with him, they all relaxed, clinking their glasses together, and downed their drinks after Phil announced" To Alan, may he enjoy his final weekend without a woman dragging him around by his balls."

_**The Following morning**:_

Oh man. Never drinking again...What is that smell..."Doug, who awoke first, face down in some yet to be identified gritty substance mumbled, putting his hands palms down on each side of his torso and pushing himself up slowly. His eyes felt glued together and he didn't open them against the light that showed through his lids right away, instead rubbing at them with his palms, which made them shoot wide apart when the foreign substance he'd awoken in worked its way into his lids.

"What the.."he exclaimed, blinking rapidly while at the same time spitting out some of the grit that had managed to make its way inside of his open mouth as he'd lain face down. Seconds later all this became very unimportant when his vision cleared enough for him to take notice of his surroundings for the first time.

"Oh shit."he jumped up from the sand covered beach displayed before him, his ankle almost giving out because of a slight sprain he'd no doubt received sometime the night before,blue eyes transfixed on the second thing that had caught his sight.

The smoking wreckage of the plane they'd been aboard was about 50 yards away near the edge of the shore, water lapping onto one metal wing with each breaker that hit. That explains the smell..he thinks dumbly, his mind growing sharper and more aware with each passing second. Crashed..they'd crashed..he realized after getting past the surreality of it all, but how? And why?

And why had he awoken away from the wreckage instead of inside since it didn't look to be as damaged at second glance as it had at first. No holes in its exterior..nothing but smoking engines..

Wait... Suddenly something important found its way to the surface..he'd not been alone. He almost cried in relief when he merely turned around and saw Stu and Alan laying nearby, Stus head was rested on the bare chest of the latter, who had on nothing but a pair of tightie whities, his right arm thrown across his waist. This would have all seemed incredibly funny were it not for the situation, and even with it Doug almost reached to grab his cell phone to take a picture.

The only thing that stopped him from doing it in the end was fear that the object would not be in its usual place, and that was a possibility he didn't even want to think of facing yet.

"Please tell me they didn't fuck." he heard a low voice say right behind him."I mean that, plus whatever the hell else happened, would just be too much..."Phil who, except for the expected tired eyed redness of a hangover and a large rip in the lower half of his black shirts front, looked fine as he stood there with a slight smirk on his face, staring at Stu and Alan.

"They didn't fuck."Doug answered in a monotone voice. He knew Phil was merely being a douche and just like himself knew they hadn't without even having to of asked that,

Phil walked to his side, bending down to put his hands on his knees, shaking his head silently in disbelief at the fact it had happened yet again. Just like Doug he remembered nothing.

"What the fuck is going on?"The two heard a now all too familiar question spoken in panic.

"Stu's awake."Phil stated, raising his head from studying the ground to look as the third to rise unglued his sweat stuck face from Alan's hairy chest then jump up quick to his feet. Too quick obviously since he spewed his stomachs contents immediately afterwards.

"You know, this reminds me of that one show..where the plane crashes on an island."Alan then spoke without yet having opened his eyes, adding as he sat upright, unharmed."And in the end they are all dead and in purgatory."

Shut up Alan..."all three of his companions stated in unison...

TBC

K that was my first long ass labor of love boring chapter. The ones to follow will be muuuch shorter more than likely, but definitely more action/peril/and angst packed.

Spoilers are: The Wolfpack slowly begins to piece things together and find out their reason for being on the island, while one of them works to hide signs of the fact he is not at all unharmed from the night before's events from the others.

So if you think it should be written, all you have to do is R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Wow never expected to get 5 reviews for the first chapter! Now I'm even more fueled to chug on with the writing :p MUAH to those who fed my gas tank by showing their love for my lil fic. And.. also helped me make an important choice I was going back and forth with in my head concerning two characters. Oh and one more thing, I've decided this will basically be an either Doug or Phil POV story since they seem to flow easier for me. May add a Stu or Alan chapter later, Mhmm, just may, but enough chit chat for now and on with chapter 2! And I lied, this oneseven longer and alot darker towards the end, which I really hope is okay since I've noticed people seem to prefer the happier stories. Eep, maybe I'm alone in my love of the whump,lol :p

Title:The Hangover: 3 Strikes You're Out

Genre:Humor(Dark)/Drama/Angst-all those good things!

Characters:The Wolfpack in its Entirety

Rating:PG13(for now)Will go up when it gets more graphic.

Disclaimer:I own nothing to do with The Hangover Franchise, nor any of its stars. Just seriously enjoy the movies and writing :p Would really love owning Bradley Cooper though, mhmm and Justin Bartha

**Chapter 2**

"Are you sure there's no teeth missing? No tattoos?"Stu asked, turning slowly in front of Doug for the 15th time in the last 3 minutes."Body piercings? Brands? _Nothing_?"

"I'm positive, and when you ask me again in 15 seconds the answer will be exactly the same."Doug replied, his words tinged with annoyance despite his efforts to keep his cool.

_Should have thrown myself down the stairs like Trace suggested when I asked her opinion on a good reason I could use for not coming on this trip_, he thought to himself with a wry smile as he pictured his wife and child standing at the door, both waving goodbye, when he'd left for the airport.

_Everything will be fine Doug, this has happened before and everyone made it out in one piece. More or less,_ he gave himself as a mental pep talk.

His further thoughts on the matter were interrupted for the time being when someone speaking broke through and he turned his attention to what was being said...

"I'm going to go ahead and throw out the obvious question, just to get it out of the way." Phil, standing up straight after a minute more of shaking his head in disbelief, stated. Then, putting on his sunglasses which he'd just discovered in the pocket of his dark colored jeans, threw his hands up in the air, turned to where Alan still sat in the sand and asked slowly,"What... did.. you slip us... this time?"

"Nothing, I didn't do it Phil. I swea..."Alan began in objection.

"**Wait**! Stop there..let me guess what the rest of that sentence is..."Phil interjected before he could finish, even more sarcasm than usual in his words"Maybe.."makes air quotes with his fingers" _I swear to god_?" I think we all remember the only two things it got me last time I took you at your word Alan."ticks it off on his fingers as he talks" 1.. Made a fool of ,2..getting shot."

Doug sat there feeling sorry for his brother-in-law, but didn't step in to defend him right away since past experience did make him the most likely suspect. Also Phil being the first to dish out the blame was a little unexpected since he generally let that fall into the lap of himself or Stu. Out of the 3, he was the one who actually seemed the fondest of Alan, even in the worst of times past.

"I didn't do it. I swear to god and on my parents life this was not me Phil."Alan argued vehemently.

"He is...he is the _devil_! I'd make him swear on his Jonas Boys Cd's before taking any stock in the other."Stu, who was walking around the immediate area in circles, his fingers atop his head twisting the ends of black hair that was sticking up on one side, and plastered down on the other, declared with a scoff as he passed by.

"Stu..come on man. The Devil? Really?"Doug asked with a chuckle.

"Its _Brothers_, not Boys.."Alan corrected indignantly, then continued on sincerely with"which is something I would do right away since I really had nothing to do with this guys. You checked my bags yourself, and no one knew we would be taking the plane we did, so how would I have been able to sneak anything on it ahead of time? And someone could have been hurt! You think I would have risked that happening _again_ after last time? Please..you have to believe me. You do right? Right guys? I'd never harm a member of my pack. A pack is for nurturing, companionship, the thrill of the hunt!"

Stu snorted loudly again, repeating" _the devil_" in a low hiss, but his condemning words didn't hold the same resolution as they had earlier.

Doug found that he, without doubt, did believe him. Not only was he speaking in the most sincere and mature manner possible, he also seemed genuinely upset at the fact that he'd even be considered as the culprit behind whatever happened the night before that had lead to their apparent crash.

If the other two of the four continued against him, he'd step in on his brother in law's behalf. Luckily it didn't come to that.

For a half a beat it did seem as if Phil was about to argue further. Then shoulders slouching, all the anger visibly dissipated, and he leaned to muss the other mans hair, his easy smile back in place. "Of course I believe you bud. I just assumed..."

"You know what they say Phillip..to assume makes an ass out of you, and me."Alan said before he could finish, his haughty, indignant act now in play."But mostly_ you_."

Phil laughed at this, and patted his head twice"Haha you're right bud. You're right. So we good? Forgive me?"

"I suppose.."Alan replied, drawing out the forgiveness as if it ever crossed the others mind it wouldn't be given." Ah We're _best friends_! Of course I forgive you Phil." he holds up his arms for a hug, which earns him a pop in the back of the head,

"_Pants_ Alan. Find pants.." Phil requests as he walks away toward the shoreline, hands raised to shield his eyes even further from the sun. He stops when he reaches his destination and looks out at the ocean silently.

"Guess what! You're never going to believe this one."Doug turns his head back to Stu, who'd finally stopped his pacing and now stood with arms flapping, voice nearing hysteria, cell phone in hand" We do who knows what with who knows who, somehow our ride plummets from the sky, and if that isn't enough, we end up on the one shit hole of an island where there's no signal! It's official."he imitates Phil's earlier motion of throwing his hands up in helplessness" _God hates us_!"

Doug finally reached for his own phone, which he discovered with a sigh, was gone as he'd feared.

"You know what guys, maybe we're going about this all wrong. Why get upset before we know the facts?"Phil, one hand alternating between fiddling around with the loose threads of the hole in his shirt and disappearing inside of it, the other raised to block the sun, spoke up again, walking to rejoin them."We weren't alone on the plane when we took off. I can remember some past when we had our drinks and the Stewardess, plus the pilots, were there. Since we're all out here and they're nowhere in sight, doesn't it seem possible that maybe they left us to sleep off our buzz while they went for help? And do planes not have radios? Ones that are a lot more powerful than cell phones? So why automatically jump to the worst case scenario?"

"Maybe because that's always what it _turns out to be_? "Stu replies in exasperation, though the whine to his words seemed to have lessened from before a small bit.

"Didn't we discuss this last time? Thinking negatively does not help the situation Stu." Phil says with a smile.

"You mean the last _two_ times. Vegas plus Bangkok equals two" Stu corrected, immediately turning away afterward and shutting his mouth when he got the evil eye from both Phil and Doug_._

Philstood up straight from where he'd been leaning back against the base of a palm tree, taking off his shades long enough to rub his red eyes with a hand wearily. and walked to where Doug sat massaging his ankle.

"Is it broken?" he asked with concern, crouching down to where he was at his friends level.

"No. Maybe. Honestly I'm not sure."Doug finally decides on, shading his own eyes as he looked at Phil who had his back to the sun.

"I would suggest Stu taking a look, but his diagnosis would consist of screaming like a bitch and running away."Phil said with a snide snicker, doing what he did best by making even the worst things have humor.

"Hardy har. Very funny"Stu grumbled already on the ground in front of Doug, who had removed his shoe and sock earlier, gingerly probing the swollen ankle.

"You look like shit Phil."Doug, taking his mind off the unpleasant actions by closely giving the man who was also still crouched down in front of him a once over, said, his statement followed by a hiss of pain.

"Well thank you Doug." he received in reply, followed by"Who'd have thought we'd have our own personal Joan Rivers here on Bumfuck Isle."

"Funny."Doug said flatly, a smile playing on his lips despite his efforts to keep a flat expression."But seriously, are you ok? I've seen you after these things before and sure, you were not looking your best, but.."

For the briefest instant it seemed like the other man was going to say something, the smile vanishing from his face, replaced with another expression that Doug couldn't quite pinpoint, but as quickly as it had come, the moment passed.

"No..you saw me hours and the a day _after_ I woke up remember, not when I did. What can I say, I'm a party animal, apparently even more so when I do said while under the influence of drugs.."Phil said with a chuckle, slapping the knee of his friends uninjured leg as he stood up straight. "This is normal, trust me."

"Given I am a dentist and not, as people are so fond of reminding me, an _actual doctor_. I'd still feel pretty confident in saying its just a bad sprain. If it were broken you wouldn't have been able to perform the movement that you did.."Stu, who had finished his examination of Doug's ankle, declared.

"See, things are looking up already!" Phil exclaimed with a clap of his hands, which he began rubbing together as Alan, who had found what looked like a big pair of women's booty shorts near where he'd woke up, rejoined them.

"What in the _hell _are...You know what..nevermind, I don't even want to remember why you'd think it was a good time to ever have worn those Alan. What I do want to discuss is the fact that you, my fat, hairy friend, have a wedding to get to in two days and how its time to start taking action to make sure you're there for it just like gimpy and Dr. Faggot were."

"I've asked you to please not call me that. Especially after...that which will not be spoken."Stu objected angrily, picking up, of all things, a crab that had crawled up onto shore, and throwing it at Phil, smacking him in the left side of his face.

"You hit me with a _crab_! In the face! Are you insane? "Phil moved quickly away from the seafood that had landed on its back, pinchers opening and closing."that thing has claws Stu! Claws!"

"That was awesome."Alan erupted in laughter, which gained him a go to hell look from Phil that he paid no attention to."He threw a crab!"

His laughter was contagious and soon all 3 of the others had joined in on it, a much needed lessening of tension passing between them.

"I'm going up to the plane to check and see if the radio works."Phil announced after it died down, already turned around and moving towards the wreckage.

"Wait up, I'll go with you."Doug, gritting his teeth and shoving the sock only back on his foot, said quickly when after a few steps had been taken, Phil tripped over..well there was nothing visible to his eyes that could have counted for the almost spill.

Having successfully righted himself before he'd fell, Phil objected with a shake of his head, leaning down to tighten a shoestring which Doug could have sworn wasn't loose in the first place."_No_ you're staying right where you are. That ankles fucked and there's no need risking worse damage unless its necessary. I'm a big boy. I'll be fine going it alone. "he stood up, his back to the others, seemingly staring at the plane ahead, adding on before picking up his trek again"Stu, gather up all the phones, Mines over near that tree where I woke up, and take them up to that higher stretch of the beach. Who knows, maybe you can get a signal. Alan, while he does that, go into the edge of the woods there, no further though, and try to find a stick, limb or something big enough that Doug can use it for walking if we end up having to do some traveling. I'll be right back"

He picked up his earlier movement towards the plane again, leaving Stu and Doug looking at his back for two different reasons. Stu's expression showed how indignant he was at being ordered to do something and Doug's, one of concern.

Something wasn't right about Phil, no matter how normal he seemed, and here all he could do instead of going with his friend and press him further on the matter, was sit around feeling useless...

Further down the beach Phil had finally reached the plane, that's up close appearance was down right eerie with the smoke still billowing from both engines

"Destination reached, time to board"he said to himself, lowering his head to avoid hitting it as he entered the partially open hatch.

Once inside, he finally let his body relax, sitting down heavily in one of the seats, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against it.

"What have you gotten them into you _fucking idiot_?" he asked himself aloud after taking several deep breaths, taking off his shades and laying them in his lap so he could raise a hand and use its back to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

He knew, and he was sure sooner or later the others would realize also, he was to blame for this one, and had felt bad right off the bat after he'd jumped Alan's shit. Regardless of who had drugged them, he had been the one to accept the offered use of the plane. He'd been the one to fuck up the tickets.

Well then, that just means you're going to feel all the better when you get them back home safely."he says aloud, not being one who generally spent too long feeling sorry for himself. Though this time, all circumstances taken into mind, it was a whole lot harder not to continue doing just that.

One hand on the arm of the seat he'd collapsed in, the other fiddling again with the torn fabric around the hole in his shirt, he tiredly rose to his feet and walked towards the cockpit.

Opening the door, he bent double, gagging at the odor there to greet him.

He'd never smelt death before, but he somehow figured that was exactly what was invading his nostrils as he hesitantly moved to turn around the swivel chair at the cockpit.

He could see an arm hanging limply at its side, attached to a body that was still occupying the seat, and he almost turned and ran, but after reminding himself he wasn't alone and that he had his friends to think of, he took a deep breath and pushed the chair around.

"Oh my god...Fuck me."he whispered, falling back on his ass, a hand rising to hold in the contents of his stomach as he used his legs to back away from the dead pilot who had a black mess of blood and ruined tissue where his left eye had been.

_Why would somebody have shot the pilot? What the fuck was going on?_

He only stayed there a moment longer after he managed to look away from the dead man to where the tangled mess of wires that had been the radio now were.

The seriousness of the situation grew by the tenfold and he stood back up quickly, holding his breath until he was outside of the cockpit again. He tried not to hyperventilate and to keep his cool as he moved quickly back down the walkway between the rows of seats towards the exit.

This worked well until one of the large luggage holders over the seats fell open under the weight of its contents and the body of the Stewardess dropped right on top of him.

He fell, screaming, her face landing only inches from his own"Get off..What the fuck?"he stopped himself from yelling anymore, rolling her off of him onto her back and standing up again."This isn't real. I'm asleep." he said in a whisper, his eyes widening after slowly moving from the small hole in her chest, to the object clutched in her left hand.

Something clicked in his head when he saw the knife, and snatches of images from the night before randomly assaulted his memory.

_He and the guys drinking up the whole bar pretty much... He and Alan standing up in the seats jumping like two retards...Stu watching a porn on the large flat screen mounted on the wall, doing what he could swear looked like humping the seat he sat in... He and the stewardess in the bathroom doing exactly what he'd predicted Alan and his plastic wife would be doing ten minutes into the trip while Stu, Phil and Doug whooped and yelled in the background outside the door... Alan helping Doug, who was laying where he'd fallen off of one of the seats while in the act of jumping also, to his feet...and then... then.. the smallest flash of the stewardess backing away from him, swinging the knife that was still clutched in her hand at him wildly..._

And just like that the images ceased, showing him nothing to further explain any of what little he'd seen.

He looked at the woman's face again, then at the knife before he lowered his head to where he had his own torso visible in the line of sight. Slowly he lifted up his torn shirt, revealing a long, deep, nasty gash on the lower left side of his stomach that had been hidden inside by the black fabric.

She had a knife..he had a stab wound..and that last image...No..No"he said loudly, backing away from her, pulling the shirt back down over the top of his blood soaked dark jeans, concealing it again."I didn't do that..No ."

His heard jerked up at a sudden loud cracking type noise, coming from outside. His first thought was firecrackers, but then, reasoning, along with memories of the pilot with a hole in his face, kicked in, and he knew what it really was.

Forgetting his own troubles, he rushed out of the hatch and began running towards where his friends now stood at the edge of the woods, backs flat against three large trees , a bit further down the beach than where they had been when he'd left them.

You guys okay?"he asked, reaching them faster than anyone would later believe, grabbing the arm of Doug who was about to fall after releasing his hold on the tree he'd been hugging, and putting it around his shoulder.

"**Are we **_**okay**_**? Are you crazy? Someone **_**shot**_** at us**! **At me!**"Stu responded, that crazy edge creeping back into his voice.

"Were you hit?"he ignored the dentists words as he looked at him as well as he could from where he and Doug were hidden.

"No."Alan answered, his eyes wide."they killed the phone though."

"_What_?"Phil demanded, looking at him uncomprehendingly.

"My cell phone Phil. We found it on the beach, Stu had picked up a signal and was waving it in the air.."Doug answered from his side.

"And they killed it." Alan finished." Shot it right out of Stu's hand...

**TBC**

**Bad place to stop"evil laughter" I know, but if you R&R I will have the next chapter up by tomorrow at the latest. So let me know, is it better? Worse? Should I continue? Choice is yours!**

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	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: Again, thanks to my reviewers :p Getting soo many have made me just wow! You guys rock! And equally thank ya to those who've added my story to their alerts and faves too!~Muah~ Like in earlier authors note, I will say now again that this will basically be an either Doug or Phil POV story They seem to flow easier for me. Will probably add a Alan chapter sooner or later and definitely a Stu since I have, in the spirit of the movies, decided to do a song by him.)Thanks to a suggestion of it from a reviewer also :p ) So even if that's all the chapter contains when I get to it sooner or later, it will at least be something from him,lol.. This was hard to get out, lost my muse for a while, and not to great admittedly. SO glad to have feedback on me not being the only lover of Phil whump. I was worried it would fall flat since I'm used to writing in genres that are based largely in the angst/drama/ H/C categories alone. Enough jabbering, here for you, is chapter 3, containing funniness, drama and not so well, but undoubtedly sexy Phil

Title:The Hangover: 3 Strikes You're Out

Genre:Humor(Dark)/Drama/Angst-all those good things!

Characters:The Wolfpack in its Entirety

Rating:PG13(for now)Will go up when it gets more graphic.

Disclaimer:Still own nothing to do with The Hangover Franchise, nor any of its stars."grunble grumble rawr"

**Chapter 3**

"I've never had sex with a friends mother."Stu, after a long thoughtful pause, finally said.

Automatically afterward he and Doug popped mostly melted M&Ms into their mouths.

It became evident, after a little over a minute lapsed, the other two of the friends wouldn't be following suit.

"You're joking right? You've slept with one of your friends mother?" Stu asked Phil in disbelief.

"Sure"Phil nods and shrugs." I happen to think its pretty fucking weird that you and Dougly Doo Right there haven't

"Hardy har Phil" Doug replied, unamused by the quip.

"And _you_? Really?" Stu cocks his head, giving Alan an aghast and carefully scrutinizing stare.

"Boning a cougar is nothing to be ashamed of."Phil comments, words tinged with amusement.

"That would be animal cruelty. Cougars are delicate creatures of beauty not to be taken advantage of!"Alan admonished in shock.

"And you're _absolutely_ positive he's not retarded?"Phil rolled his head to the side to ask Doug, shifting his body against the tree he sat propped against with a look of discomfort.

"To refer to a female as a cougar means that they're older woman who has managed to hold onto a youthful appearance despite their age Alan."Doug explained patiently to his brother-in-law.

"OH I see, like my mother."he nods slowly in understanding, resulting in two looks of surprised disgust and one of humor.

"Yeah buddy, that's _exactly_ what we meant."Phil says with a chuckle and grin."Hows your mom in the sack anyway? Bet shes a real wildcat"

"Would you please inform Phillip that I am no longer his friend due to that statement, will not be speaking to him again, and withdraw his invitation to my wedding nuptials." Alan, crossing his arms in front of his chest and turning his head in the opposite direction requested of no one in particular.

"Phil...come on, apologize"Doug, who had tried his best not to encourage his friends antics, attempted to chastise him, but instead, unable to hold it in no longer, burst out laughing

He stopped when the others looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, which in all honesty, he wondered himself...

"It has to of been at least two hours now. We can't just keep sitting here."Phil, voice sounding strained, broke the silence."We need to do something..."

"Great idea Phil."Stu, sitting between Doug and Alan spoke next, giving a thumbs up and eye role, sarcasm running deep through his words"Suicide is very high on my to-do list today, right up there alongside having sand worms crawl up inside, then make a home of, my ass."

"This fixation you have on getting things stuck up your ass borderlines on bizarre Stu., Have you considered therapy? Phil questions with a raised eyebrow" or maybe a return trip to Bangkok?"

This poking of fun at something they'd made a pact on never discussing again made the dentist speechless with indignant anger, and all he could do was sputter out indiscernible words in result.

"_But_ back on subject, staying here makes us sitting ducks."Phil points out.

"Going out on the beach would make us dumb fucks"was the given response to this from Stu." You weigh the options..sitting ducks that don't end up with a hole in their heads or idiots who may as well have big arrows on their backs and neon **shoot me** signs flashing over their heads...

"If whoever doing this wanted us dead, we would be."Phil says, his mind going back to the corpses aboard the plane, who he had yet to tell his friends of discovering."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? That they didn't shoot me on purpose? "he answers in question, raising an eyebrow

"I agree with Phil, we should take the game to them."Alan says with a nod of his head.

Even more sarcasm came as result of this from the dentist"Well who wouldn't have seen that coming? _Alan agreeing with Phil_... Problem settled, I'm definitely sold now.."

Doug, who had done what he found to be wise by not giving an opinion at all until the right time came, was then made the appointed object of Stu's ranting.

"Aren't you going to say anything? Your ankles sprained, not your mouth!"he was asked in exasperation.

"He makes a valid point, nothing has happened since we've been sitting, and that's been hours ago, so whether it be a good or bad thing Stu, its still a fact. We can't just wait, our families, wives, kids, they are all worried by now and probably think we're either dead, or have run off and married the village people in a drunken, drugged cocktail, stupor."Doug relented in response, knowing he really had no choice because Stu tended to listen to him more than he did the others. Which in reflection, was a good way to be with the track records of Phil and Alan.

The mental image of the latter made them all flinch inwardly, with the exception of Alan, and was almost as disturbing as the first option..key word being _almost_.

"Fine, but when we die or somebody gets maimed. Its all on you."Stu agreed, albeit reluctantly, just as his friend had expected.

"Fair enough. So now that its decided, whats the plan? Was the radio on the plane working?"

All three of his companions turned to look at Phil in unison after Doug posed these questions to him.

Phil who sat with his head bowed, chin against his chest, was very slow to answer. So much so that the others were beginning to think he'd either fell asleep or just wasn't paying attention.

"I think the best idea would be to get to the undamaged phones and try to get another signal to call for help."he proved their theories wrong by answering slowly, then taking another long pause before shaking his head and saying"no Doug, it wasn't, it was all busted up, we won't find anything to help there."

"I am closely familiarized with repairing things of any sort thanks to Richard Dean Anderson. I don't have my tool set with me, but could possibly fashion something from some palm tree fronds and a couple of sea shells that would help in fixing the radio." Alan offered, his face a mask of seriousness and determination as he did so.

'Richard Dean Ander...are you talking about McGuyver?" Stu asked in disbelief," That's not real, it only works on TV!"he adds under his breath after the outburst" I am surrounded by idiots..."

"I'll have you know that I have many times tested his.."

"There's no fixing the radio. None at all, so lets just move away from that onto the plan."Phil intervenes sharply.

"What about the flight crew? Nothing was found of them either? No note? Anything?" Doug asks, having already rose to his feet, keeping all his weight for the most on his uninjured ankle, using a pretty impressive stick Alan had found after Phil had left the three of them for the short time as a crutch.

He could have sworn there was a hesitation before Phil answered with" no nothing, plane was trashed and empty."

"And you are just now finding the importance in telling us this?" Stu, also standing, asked incredulously "didn't it cross your mind to let us know we're completely fucked before we took up our game of how many people and animals has Phil screwed in his lifetime?"

Standing slowly, Phil just shrugs and responds calmly with"I don't want to argue with you Stu. Everyone was upset and I didn't want to lessen morale any more than it already was. So lets split in teams of two, that way if anyone wants to play human Duckhunt, it wont be near as simple, and circle around from each end to where you dropped the phones when you ran to hide."

"I did not run and hid..."

"I'm with Phil!"Alan, obviously over his earlier anger, intervened with, standing beside his self proclaimed partner, gut sticking out above the very tight jean shorts that he commenced to digging out of his crack.

Oddly enough, the other man easily agreed to the suggested pairing and soon the four of them had separated again, moving to circle in opposite directions.

**_Doug/Stu_**

"You know, its not his fault,you could try to not be such a total ass to him Stu." Doug, limping alongside the dentist, maneuvering fairly easy with the stick Alan had found him, said when they had moved out of the range of hearing.

"Its not _his_ fault, its not _Alan's_ fault. Then who's is it Doug? Yours? Mine?"Stu asked incredulously* You know well as I do, given Alan's past, its not that big a stretch to assume he was who drugged us, And Phil? Who managed to book us on the plane ride to club hell? Who didn't even notice the tickets he had were for the wrong date when he had them a frickin month? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm almost positive that both are to be blamed on someone who's name starts with a P and ends with an L. But its unfathomable that either are to blame? Someone's in denial Doug, and its not me."

"No one made you get on the plane, no one made you agree to it immediately even with what had happened in the past. No one poured that drink down your throat. No one did any of those to you, but _yourself_. You're who's in denial, not me"Doug found himself growing increasingly angry and more importantly, disappointed, in Stus attitude,

"Maybe so..."Sty agreed slowly, then posed in question" but tell me you didn't sense that Phil wasn't being truthful about something, I don't know what, that he found on the plane. Honestly tell me that."

"Phils been our best friend for years Stu and you know as well as I do, if he was being that, he had good reason, more than likely protecting us from something, behind doing it. If you're so worried about it, lets you and me go to the plane right now ourselves. No lets walk up there and you can go inside, because I for one wouldn't betray trust out of irrational anger, frustration and childishness. But listen..I think we have another problem too..I think somethings wrong with Ph..."

He didn't get the last letters of his friends name out before both Stu and himself heard faint yelling from down the beach, their heads whipping around in alarm.

It was Alan, that much they could tell by the fact that he was visible over the peak of a sand dune.

"He's drawing attention to them, What the hell!"Doug, not usually one among them to lose his cool, said in a low voice to Stu who, had like himself, already turned and was going back as quickly as possible towards him.

"Where's Phil?" Doug asked, realization that the other of the two party was not visible, and even with a fucked up ankle, he sped up considerably, a sinking feeling in his gut.

Getting closer and back over the sand dune, he received an answer to his question when he, and Stu both realized that someone was laying on the ground, Alan now kneeling down but still yelling.

Stu picked up his speed, running and leaving Doug behind.

"What happened? What!"he demanded, ducking his own body down out of fear that maybe the shooter had struck again.

"I don't know, he was fine, then just went down"Alan replied, followed by yelling his friends name again, shaking his shoulders in attempt to rouse him."Phil! Get up Phil!"

By the time Doug got there, he was keening, like he had when they'd thought Chow to be dead, and this being his first experience with hearing the noise, made him want to throw up and knock the hell out of him both at once.

Not helping a thing so stop it Alan! Now for gods sake quit shaking him and move."he demanded, pushing the other man out of the way to get better access himself.

"OH MY GOD." was the next words to reach his ears followed by a short high pitched scream being emitted from Stu's lip.

Wha.. when..Phil..."was all that Doug could get out when he saw for himself what had elicited this reaction before turning his head and vomiting.

He's going to die, he's going to die.."Alan in turn was saying repeatedly between keening, hands clamped over his ears as he stared wide-eyed at the large, ugly, gash in the prone mans abdomen.

Shut up Alan, he's not going to die!" Doug, having regained his properties, now snapped at his brother-in-law.

"No..he's_ going_ to die. Look at all..blood...mess and..and blood"Stu spoke up in a squeal this time. His eyes darting around everywhere, looking all for the world like he was about to bolt.

"If either of you say that one more time, I will beat the ever loving fuck out of you. Now help me with him."his hand darts out, encircling the wrist of Stu, who had been in the process of standing to no doubt take off. His actions were easily read by just about anyone."Don't. You. Dare."

"Hello boys.."a voice, not belonging to either of them, spoke from behind their backs, and turning quickly in surprise Doug and the other two conscious members of the four was met with the sight of the man who owned the plane.

"Look guys, its Higgins!"Alan exclaimed.

"You have something of mine and I want it back."The small statured man said calmly the other three large men with him advancing on them.

"Our friend is hurt! What are you talking about! We don't have anything of.."Stu began in objection only to be knocked into silence by a strike from the barrel of a rifle.

Jumping to his aid, Doug and Alan both soon followed into the oblivious darkness...

****Mkay, this didn't accomplish what I'd originally planned out because my brain went kaput and everything seemed just too eh to me. But now I have it mapped in the noggin what is going on and it will become a little more clear to everyone next chapter. Tried to keep the funny in too so it wouldn't be all serious sooo since I'm not that used to writing that, sorry if I fail epically,lol. Oh and sorry to Stu lovas but to me he always seemed an ass, still like him tons and he'll redeem himself I'm sure, but someone has to be the meanie and he fits best to me. Thank you for reading, please review and coming up next we will have another of the group recall stuff from the night before, find out what it is that the baddies want from them, and etc etc. If you think its worth continuing...****


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